For the last few years, community has been my biggest prayer. I've struggled making friends for most of my life, and so especially after graduation and going into college, I longed for God to use this transition to bring girls into my life that I can walk alongside and who can invest in me as much as I invest in them. In this season, I'm learning how to be really intentional with building friendships, and while my village is far from perfect (or complete!), I wanted to share a few things that the Lord has taught me to help you in your journey of building community.

Social media portrays life to seem all put together, like everyone but you has the picture perfect friend groups and gatherings, but that's not usually the reality. Everyone is facing their own struggles with their relationships, and you aren't alone in feeling lonely or longing for your people. I see the heaviness that comes with that, but most importantly, so does the Lord. He created you for community, to be known by others and to know them - that's how we thrive. I can testify that lonely seasons don't last forever (even if it feels like it), and when we walk surrendered to the Lord, we can see breakthrough in our community. We just can't give up when the breakthrough doesn't come as easily or quickly as it seems to for other people.

With that being said, let's jump in to what the Lord has been teaching me in this process!

1. Bring it all to Him in prayer.

Prayer is more powerful than we often realize, and it should be our first response in any situation. We are invited to bring all of our requests and petitions to the Lord (Philippians 4:6), and we can be confident that the Lord hears every word (1 John 5:14-15). I found so much peace in just surrendering all of the emotions to the Father, even if it didn't bring about an instant fix. The God we serve is so compassionate, and I realized how safe we are to come to Him with every vulnerable feeling. People will forever fall short, but God will forever be faithful, and in seasons of loneliness, we get to be even more dependent on Him (and that dependance creates intimacy).

I also have realized that we can only go so far in our own strength. We can try to make friends all we want, but until we invite the Lord into it, we will often fall short. Prayer is how we let the Lord take the wheel and follow His direction, rather than trying to figure it all out ourselves. It's how we make space for Him to work and move in ways beyond we could ever imagine.

Prayer isn't just our first step, either - it should be a constant. Through all the highs and lows of building community, keep bringing it to the Lord. Bring every praise and lament, every tear and every celebration. And I promise, as you do, you will be building up your faith and your relationship with Jesus. Years down the road, you will get to look back and see how much fruit this season produced because you were intentional about abiding in Him.

2. Be the first to invite.

So many people want friends, but no one wants to be the first to reach out. Sometimes, that's the biggest step you can take in building community - just inviting! You never know what one hang out, one conversation, one gathering can lead to, and I challenge you to be the first to initiate. God has pushed me out of my comfort zone in this area so many times, but it's led to so much fruit - simply learning to trust Him instead of being afraid, following His leading, and showing compassion when I'd rather focus on myself.

There are so many simple, low pressure ways to invite someone. Sit next to someone new at church or Bible study or college event and strike up a conversation with them. If it goes well, message them later and follow up, telling them that you'd love to get to know them more! The simplest way to invite someone new is to ask them to go get coffee or ice cream with you. In college, this is so common, and I don't see why it can't be in any other season of life too! You can also invite them to go to a church or school event with you or go on a walk.

To meet these people, you have to take a step of faith and often try something new. Try a new Bible study, go to a young adults event through your church, join a club, or even just sit in a different row at church. Again, pray that the Lord would open up an opportunity for you to meet the right people, and take action when those opportunities come up!

3. Set the tone of vulnerability and ask intentional questions.

A big fear of mine when it comes to reaching out to see if someone wants to hang out with me is that I won't know what to talk about or say. This is where prayer and intentionality comes in to play. I find it helpful to write down a list of questions that I might want to ask beforehand, so that I feel more prepared, but I also just have to surrender the conversation to the Lord and trust that if this is a friendship He wants me to pursue, that He will make it clear to me.

I've learned that small talk can be a segway to deeper conversations. Ask about their major or their career, and then follow up with a question about what they enjoy about their job or what they're passionate about. Ask about their family, and then if they are close with their parents or siblings. And, my personal favorite, ask about their faith and how they came to know the Lord. It's only when we approach every conversation with intentionality and meaningful questions that we can begin to see growth and depth in our relationships.

My friend Elli has reminded me that if I want to have vulnerable conversations, I have to be the first to open up. I crave intimate friendships, but I have a huge fear of being rejected when I am vulnerable, so that prevents me from often sharing my emotions or struggles in a raw way. But that's something I have to continue to work on. I want to show those around me that I'm a safe person to open up to because I am willing to share the heavy things I'm carrying, too. Just like with initiating, others will often follow your lead in a conversation, and so you can work to steer the conversation on an intentional path. Of course, use wisdom and discernment about who to open up to - not everyone needs to know all of the personal things going on in your life!

4. Be consistent.

Friendships takes time to build - which can be both discouraging and a relief. You don't have to make your best friend in a week, but take the time to get to know the person and pour into your relationship. I once heard that 50 hours together creates an acquaintance, 90 hours creates a friend, and 200 hours creates a best friend (not a perfect formula, but just an idea!). That's a LONG time, and so I think a really effective way to "put in the time" with your people is to create weekly and monthly routines with them.

Set up a consistent time that you can hang out and pour into each other. This could be a Bible study, a walk, church and lunch afterwards, doing homework together, craft nights, and so much more. There are endless possibilities, but I'd challenge you to find a few people to have a standing meeting with on the calender. Make space in your schedule to invest in your friendships, to have those intentional conversations, and while your community won't be formed overnight, the time you put in will produce fruit (especially when the Lord is leading it)!

I am so passionate about community because it's so important for us to thrive, and it's something that I've been walking with the Lord through for over a year now. Friendships can be hard, but they can also be such a blessing, and I am immensely grateful for how the Lord has provided and worked through the people in my life. If you are in a season of struggling to make friends or deepen your relationships, I want to encourage you to continue being faithful and trusting that God knows exactly who needs to be in your life at just the right time. Continue surrendering and asking the Lord to lead you, and I believe that He will bring your people in His perfect way.

Do you have any tips for making friends or encouragement to someone in a lonely season right now? Please leave them in the comment section below, and I'd love to learn alongside you!