How God Has Moved in the Past Year | 19th Birthday Post!

This past year of my life has been one of huge change and even more growth, and I am so thankful for it. There are so many highlights to share and challenges that the Lord has walked me through, and in today's post, as a freshly 19 year old (I've been an adult for a full year!), I want to share some of those things with you. Specifically, I want to share the spiritual transformations that the Lord has been bringing about in my life, because when I look back on the year, that's what stands out the most to me. Of course, I've weave in a life update, because like I said, there's been a LOT of change from being 18 going into 19!

If I were to describe my life and my relationship with Jesus in one word from being 18, it would be deepening. Which is fitting, because as I think about it, that was a request I have brought before the Lord often. I've prayed for a deeper understanding of His character, awareness of His presence, and fresh revelation when I study Scripture. I've prayed endlessly for deeper relationships and community, and a deeper connection with Koa as our relationship evolves. And all of that - that's exactly what the Lord has done.

I could tell you all about the rollercoaster of emotions I've felt this year. There's been high highs of worship, revelation in Scripture, finding a best friend to do life with in college, and adventuring with Koa, but there's also been low lows of wondering if I'll ever have the village and community I crave, not feeling chosen, struggling to connect with the Lord, and heavy conversations that Koa and I have had to navigate. And in the midst of all of that, there's been many days of the mundane, with a hectic schedule and long to do list, just going through the motions. But even then, I recognize such a clear theme of my Father's faithfulness, even when I was having a really hard time seeing it.

In each of these moments and emotions, God has been inviting me closer - not because of my own worthiness or accomplishment, but because He has adopted me as His daughter, and He longs to be close to His children. I remember so vividly countless nights where the Lord has reminded me that I am secure, that He loves me and protects me, and that He is doing a new thing in my life. In the midst of so many setbacks and so many celebrations, God used them all to reveal to me more of His character, more of His presence, and more of what He is doing in my life. And in this season, that has looked like deep heart work, pruning my character and exposing the selfish, prideful parts of me. Oh how painful that is at times, but I'm so thankful to have an intimacy with the Father that allows me to see Him so clearly at work in my heart. He is calling me deeper, to trust Him more, even when my craving for control and a plan screams louder than anything else, and to grow in dependency on Jesus and the Word instead of myself.

I'm getting emotional thinking about this because our God is so good. He is so kind to me, even when I've been difficult, unrighteous versions of myself. The God we serve is ALWAYS working, even when it is so hard to see, and I'm so thankful that He is so much bigger than we are. There have been many nights of crying out to the Father and feeling like He wasn't listening or answering at all, but He's never stopped moving. Our feelings or the weight of our situation are not indicators of what God is doing behind the scenes, let alone the fruit that He's producing within us.

Beyond just me individually, there's been a deep work going on around me. God is holding my hand, guiding me as I navigate building relationships and a community to do life with me. It's not comfortable, because He's daily pushing me outside of comfort zone to initiate and be vulnerable. Slowly but definitely surely, God is surrounding with girls who love the Lord, are safe places for me to be raw versions of myself, and to grow with, and I'm so thankful for that. Building a village isn't easy, and it doesn't happen overnight, but God is planting seeds and showing me what to water, and I'm so excited to see how He helps us bloom.

The Father has been taking Koa and I deeper, too, as we navigate the changing seasons of our relationship. As we've been praying for the Lord to prepare us for marriage, we've been learning how to love each other biblically, selflessly, and intentionally, even when our flesh wants to do anything but that. I know I've been humbled in more ways than one, but as we seek the Lord to grow together, I'm so thankful for how He is starting to produce fruit in me and draw us even closer together. God has been continually reminding us that His timing is perfect, and that He will provide exactly what we need when we need it. We're getting to practice depending on Him even more than ever before, because our broken human nature isn't enough, and life always has a way of throwing another curveball at us. :)

That's the deep stuff of the past year (exactly on theme!), and I pray that my testimony of how the Lord has been working encourages you in whatever season you are in. Because no matter what you're walking through, He is working and doing far more than you can ask, think, or imagine, so hold on to faith, because I promise, it will be worth it!

Now...for a little life update!

I'm going into my second year of college at Emporia State University, which means I will technically be a JUNIOR since I'm a year ahead credits wise! I just moved into my very first apartment, all by myself, which has been a long time coming (and a big area I had to trust the Lord with)! While this wasn't my original plan, I am amazed at how the Lord has provided, and I can't wait to see how He uses this home to invite people in, host, and make memories! :) This year, I will be taking on a leadership role at Christian Challenge, where my best friend Elli and I will be leading a new women's group, and I am BEYOND excited for that opportunity! I'm also still working at the Christian school, and I miss my kiddos so much!

18 has been such a sweet year, but I'm so confident that the Lord is going to do big, big things in this upcoming year!