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Do I Have Value? & other questions with answers only found in Jesus



Oh, how I'm going to try to write this without crying, but no promises.


I've written about how you are enough, how you are loved, and that you are such an insanely beautiful creation, handcrafted by the Lord of the universe.


But.


The struggle to fully believe and embrace and understand that truth is a completely different story.


Recently I've been wrestling with the question of my worthiness and value. Am I even important? What gives me value? What is defining how worthy I am of love or any other good thing?


If you've ever been here, you know it's hard. I've had to sit down with Jesus and be extremely honest about what some of my feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and comparison are indicating and break down some of lies I've been believing about myself. It was not fun, let me tell you that, but it was so important to have that difficult conversation with Jesus, and I'm probably going to have to keep revisiting this in order to completely heal. And that's okay.


First things first, friends. If we're going to tackle this battle with insecurity and questioning our worth, we have to admit it. We have to flat out tell Jesus, "I am struggling to see myself as valuable or worthy." We have to be bluntly honest with the way that we have been feeling and the things we are struggling with, not so that He knows (because He already knows everything), but so that we can bring it out into the open for ourselves. I personally tend to shove down the less than pretty emotions and thoughts, but that leads to unhealthy explosions and confusing, unexpected breakdowns. If I want to be healthy, then I have to address it honestly and the first step to that is to bring it out into the open.


(Also...the devil likes to hide in the darkness. If we keep our struggles, our hurts, the lies we've been believing in the darkness, then it's available for the devil to mess with. If we bring it into the light, we are entrusting it into God's hands, and He will help protect us in moments of weakness.)


Secondly, we have to understand and figure out what exactly we are believing that we are placing our value in. If we are not 100% certain that God dictates our value and deems us worthy, then what other options are we exploring? It may be:

  • our appearance

  • what other people think of us

  • what that special someone in our life thinks of us/how he or she treats us

  • how included we are/how active our social life is

  • success

  • money

  • fame

  • "put together-ness" or life simply looking good and feeling good

  • how many church activities we can participate in

  • the highest grade we can get

Identify whatever that thing is for yourself. Understand it. Observe it. Dive deep into your heart and really get to the root of what you are trying to find your value and worth in. And girl, don't you dare start judging yourself in this place. You are allowed to grow and learn and figure this out, and that starts with addressing the things going on in your heart and mind, even if it's not the most Instagrammable or attractive. Just be honest with yourself, and give yourself grace.


(In case it's unclear why those things above don't work to define our value or worthiness, it's because those things are changing. None of those things are constant, which means that if we are relying on those things to dictate how valuable we are, then our value is changing and inconsistent too. Which, I don't think is what we are looking for.)


Along with this, it's important for us to figure out how we see our value. Do I think that my value stays constant, or does it fluctuate? Am I "more worthy" on good days than bad days? What might cause my value to go up? On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most valuable and 1 being not at all, how valuable do I feel? Why? What has influenced that?


These are deep, difficult questions, I know. And it's so very easy to skim through and give the right church answers, but for one second, I would challenge you to be honest with yourself. Address the hard stuff. It's uncomfortable in the moment, but so worth it in the long run, I promise you.


Now, maybe the hardest part of all: deciding what in fact determines our value. Because whatever it is, it matters a whole lot and it changes a whole lot about the way I see myself.


Ultimately, after a lot of prayer, I think I've figured out that two things determine our value and worth.


1. Our creator

In our family, "on brand" treats from the grocery store are a big deal, especially when I was younger. The on brand food is usually way more expensive (and supposedly a higher quality), so we appreciated it more, simply because it was created by a different, "nicer" company. Same with phones. Many people prefer to get iPhones because they were created by Apple and Apple has a reputation of creating quality products, right?


Well, in the same way, let's look at our creator.


God.


Let's look at His resume of everything else He's created.


Ocean. Mountains. Sunrises. Sunsets. Clouds. Planets. Grass. Trees. Flowers. Rivers. Lakes. Rain. Snow. Oxygen. Every single animal to walk, crawl, or swim on this earth.


That is a whole lotta beautifully, indescribably, important things. Right? Those things are worth a lot.


Guess what? So are you. If the thing that defines how worthy or valuable something is is the creator of it, then what gets better than God? Like seriously. We are a couple levels above on-brand at this point.


2. Our price

A $10,000 ring is more valuable than a $20 ring. Obviously. It's worth more. Same with a 1 million dollar house vs a $200,000 house. Both are pretty valuable, but one is clearly worth more.


So what was our "price"? What did we "cost"?


While there's not a monetary amount to each of our names deciding how valuable we are, there was a price to be paid.


That price was Jesus' life.


If we're going to allow ourselves to feel valuable or worthy by a certain number of likes on social media, or a certain number of compliments, or maybe a compliment by a certain person, then shouldn't someone dying for you matter a whole lot?


Jesus died because He wanted to know you. He wanted to have a relationship with you. He decided that you were worth so much that He was going to die to prove it.


I know it doesn't make sense, and I know it's hard to wrap our minds around, but that's the truth. The truth is that Jesus, God in the flesh, felt that we were so important that He would lay down His life in order to be in a relationship with us. To have the door freely open for us to come and talk and abide whenever we'd like.


I know right now you don't feel very important. I know that right now, you don't feel like you matter or have any value or worth whatsoever. But, sweet girl, let me tell you something. The God of this universe created you so intricately, so intently, and He died for you, and by those two things alone, you are more valuable than rubies (Proverbs 3:15). You are precious and priceless and it won't always feel that way, but that truth will never, ever change.

 

I think it's important to note that as I was writing this post, I was crying, telling God that I "just want to matter". So, please remember that you are not alone. I do not have this all figured out, although that might be the impression you get as you read this. This struggle of wrestling with our worth, value, and understanding where that comes from is real and it is hard but it is one that so many of us are facing side by side without ever knowing.


You matter. You are valuable. You are worthy.


And not because of anything you've done or earned, but simply because of the One who created you and the One who died for you. You don't have to measure up, achieve, or strive to be worthy of something, to matter, because it's simply ingrained in your identity in Christ. Your value does not change on your good days or your bad days, or depending on how often you read your Bible, or on what people think about you. All that matters is what Jesus says about you, and He declares that you are worth the world.


And it is my prayer, my prayer with my whole heart, that you would one day have your eyes be opened a little bit more to the fact that you really, truly are priceless, and you really, truly matter a whole lot on this earth.

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