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Girl, Raise Your Standards - Qualities You Need in a Godly Guy



This post is one that I've really wrestled with and honestly restarted multiple times because I know that I do not have all the answers. I'm not comfortably married or mature with years of experience. But girls, there is something on my heart that desires more for you and your relationships.


I want you to experience the most beautiful and wholesome and godly relationships, and I want to encourage you in whatever season you're in because I know all of them come with their own challenges. There is a healthy, holy relationship for you, but you have to stop settling. We, as Christian girls, have to start raising the standard on the guys we are allowing access to our hearts, and being intentional about who we love and how we love.


Because when you find that guy, the right guy, the right relationship that the Lord has blessed, it is the absolute best thing in the entire world. (Do I know with absolute certainty who I'm going to marry right now? Honestly, no. But I know that I'm in the healthiest relationship, with the best guy, who loves me in a way that reminds me so much of Jesus, and he has taught me so much about what is possible for you, my friend.)


I want to share with you a few things that are vital to having a healthy, godly relationships. Some qualities to look for in a guy and in yourself before you make the commitment. But before we begin, let's pray over our hearts. I know that this is a sensitive subject for so many, and that we all just so desperately long to be loved, but I hope that we are able to bring our hearts to the Lord and allow Him to convict us and teach us - because in reality, whether you're married or single, we're all learning how to do relationships right.


He has to have a heart set on the Lord.

I know, as a Christian girl, you hear this all the time as the very first non-negotiable for your relationships. But I think we need to get even more specific - and you may not like it. Just going to church does not make him a godly guy, nor does it qualify him to love and serve the Lord with you. You should be able to see through the fruit of his actions that he is abiding and obeying the Lord. You should not have any doubts about his faith or that he's consistently prioritizing his faith on his own, meaning that you shouldn't have to remind him to pray or do his Bible study every day.


Now, this does not mean that his faith, behaviors, or life will be perfect. He may have doubts, areas of sin, and inconsistencies. But you should be able to see a heart who longs for the Lord, who is repentant and learning. You should be able to see that this guy is committed to his faith, even when it's not easy or popular, and you shouldn't have to convince him of it.


He should pray with you and over you.

His personal faith should positively impact his relationship with you, and one of the biggest things that I've noticed is prayer. It should be so important for him to pray over you in his own time, because he knows the power and blessing that it can be. He knows that for a relationship to be successful, Christ has to be in the middle of it, and in prayer he brings you and your relationship to Jesus, surrendering it and receiving wisdom over it.


And he should pray with you, too. He should initiate prayer and lead you in it. That doesn't mean he has to have the most eloquent prayers or knows all the right words, but that he wants to seek the Lord alongside you and invite Him into every situation with you. Some of the most powerful and encouraging moments that I've had are when my boyfriend holds my hands and prays over me, and I didn't realize that was something that I could experience - and it's something you can experience too, but not with a guy who isn't even praying on his own.


He should leave you with no confusion or uncertainty about his feelings for you.

If the guy you're interested in hasn't clearly communicated his feelings for you, then he isn't worth your time. You deserve someone who is intentional with you and your heart, and if you're confused, then he's not being intentional. He should make you feel safe and wanted, not like an option or loved occasionally. His actions should consistently reassure you and remind you of how he feels about you, and if you're getting mixed messages, then he's not the one. You will not have to guess if your future husband loves you or not, so you shouldn't entertain a boy who makes you feel that way.


He should honor you and value you - in every way.

A godly guy - the right guy - will treat you as a daughter of the King, like the masterpiece you are. He will make you feel special and valued each and every day, in many ways. He will prioritize you in the big ways and the small ways, but especially the small ways, through the way he reassures, admires, and protects you. He will set boundaries in your relationship so that you can pursue purity and holiness together, and He will help you uphold them. You should feel heard and cared for, validated in your emotions and supported no matter what. I honestly am struggling to put into words what it feels like to be valued and cherished in this way, but I pray with my whole heart that the Lord would open your eyes to see that there is a man out there who will love you beyond any sort of description, and you won't want to settle.

 

I know the desire to be in a relationship, to have a partner and be loved. But I also know the hurt of settling and sacrificing what's really important. The Lord has put these qualities on my heart and reminded me of why we have to be careful in giving our heart away, because when we follow His design and His voice, we can experience the most life-giving, holy relationships. I pray that each of us would take the time to step back and pray, receiving discernment from the Lord about the relationships we're in and the relationships we're wanting to be in.


Are there any other qualities that you have been convicted about and have learned are important? Let us know down in the comments below!


(Also, stay tuned for the sequel to this post written by KOA about qualities that guys should be looking for in a girl!)



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