How to Find Your Confidence in the Lord
A friend once kindly told me that she admired how confident I was, and that took me by surprise. I don't feel like a particularly confident person, but as I've grown up a little bit (especially after graduating high school), I've started to recognize that I have so much more peace that has helped me walk into rooms differently. I still struggle with people pleasing and worrying about other people's opinions, but it doesn't consume me like it once did. I most definitely still have insecurities (and a lot of them), but I also have begun to recognize and appreciate some of the strengths I have.
I know that so many girls struggle with confidence, and that battle is so real. The world is constantly sending us messages about what we should look like or act like to "fit in" and be "good enough." It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparision without even realizing it, and longing to be more like the girl we see "thriving" or who seems to have so many friends. We want to be pretty like her or get the same grades she does. It's a constant war in our mind that a lot of the time, we don't even recognize.
But the Lord's desire for us is not to get stuck longing to be more like everyone else. He wants us to be content with how He's created us, and long to become more like Him. The girls in our class or Bible study or club aren't the end goal, Jesus is. Being prettier, more likeable, or getting better grades doesn't make us any more worthy, and it won't fulfill our craving for confidence. We'll only continue to chase after the next best thing, the next quality we feel like we're lacking in - and that cycle will continue to tear us down. We'll lose any joy for the life that God has so graciously given us, and man, I don't want that to happen. God is so kind, and by focusing more on what we wish we had, we'll lose sight of all the blessings that He's lavished on us.
So, while this is absolutely something that I'm working on right alongside you, I wanted to share a few tips for how we can find our confidence in the Lord. Because the truth is, we aren't perfect, and we aren't the best at everything. But that doesn't mean we need to walk around insecure or constantly comparing ourself. It means that we need to find our identity and confidence in the Father, the One who has created us and given us life.
1. Know the truth about who God says you are - and remind yourself daily.
The answer to every situation we walk through starts with Scripture. God's Word should be the foundation that we build our life on, and it is so crucial to know what He says about our identity. He is our Creator, after all! Scripture says that we are new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), and so through Jesus, we have been given a new identity. The Bible is full of reminders of how He sees us, and it is so valuable for us to meditate on and internalize this truth. We can memorize and remind ourselves daily of who God says we are, and by doing that, we can begin retraining our mind to walk in peace and confidence. It's not an instant fix, but we can write His Word on our heart and begin renewing our mind daily.
You can just flip through your Bible and find this truth, or Google it, but I have written so many posts about our identity in Christ, filled with Scripture! You can use these posts as a starting point to find verses that encourage you, and then put them where you can find them. Write them on sticky notes to put on your mirror, in your kitchen, or in your car. You can make it your lock screen or incorporate memorization into your daily routine. Whatever it looks like for you, fill your mind with the truth, and I know that it will start to transform you!
Some posts I'd recommend are:
2. Ask the Lord to reveal your strengths to you.
Even if you don't feel like you have the same strengths as your best friend or a girl you admire in class, you DO have strengths! (I promise!) Sometimes, we just need a reminder of what those strengths are. I'd challenge you to bring these feelings to the Lord and honestly ask Him what strengths He's given you. Create space to listen and quietly, and pay attention to what He puts on your heart. Hearing from the Lord isn't instant, but I know that when you genuinely come to Him longing to hear His voice, He will speak.
I always feel so encouraged to experience the Lord speaking over me and reminding me of how He sees me. There's nothing more powerful and refreshing to be connected to the Father in that way, and while it does take practice, and it's not always an emotional experience, it's so important that we are continually talking to the Lord and giving Him space to speak.
The Lord's voice should always be loudest in your life (and the most important), but if you're struggling with this, you could also ask your best friend or a trusted person in your life what strengths they see in you. It can be so uplifting to know that others often don't see the same flaws you see in yourself, but actually see immense strengths.
3. Challenge yourself to lift others up and celebrate their strengths.
One of the best ways to build up our confidence is to simply stop thinking of ourselves so much. If we are consumed by insecurity and people pleasing, that can actually be a sign of pride - that we are hyperfixated on ourself instead of the Lord and what He's calling us to do. I think it's really helpful to take our eyes on our own life and look around us to see who we can serve or empower. It can actually uplift us to speak life into other people and recognize their strengths.
Celebrating others doesn't mean we aren't worthy of celebrating, too. We all have unique strengths, and we all have something to celebrate. But our intention should never be to draw attention to ourselves so that others will compliment or recognize us; our goal should always be to serve those around us and give God the glory. The more we concern ourselves with how we can bless others and honor the Lord, the more our insecurities start to fade away, because it's less about ourselves, and more about others. Of course, we should take care of ourselves, but it's easy to be consumed by our own little world without taking the time to see what's going on in someone else's life.
Confidence will be something we are constantly working on and growing in, but it doesn't have to feel impossible. We can bring this struggle to the Lord, and I am confident that He will bring you freedom and growth, because that's exactly what He's done for me in so many different areas. The Lord is so kind, and He wants to encourage us!
What is something you've done to help grow your confidence? Are there any pieces of Scripture that have really encouraged you in this area? Let me know in the comments below; I'd love for us to encourage one another!
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