Stop Praying for Yourself: 4 Parts of Prayer We Often Forget

Recently, I've been walking through a sort of "spiritual winter," where most areas of my life feel heavy and I'm struggling to connect with God. My prayer life just feels dry, and I feel like I'm telling God and asking Him for the same things over and over again. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not getting me anywhere. I don't feel anymore encouraged or refreshed after praying - despite my attempts at "surrender" - because I'm making it all about myself.

I've talked about this on the blog before, but I want to bring it up again because I think it's a pattern that so many of us fall into so easily. One aspect of prayer is telling God what's on our heart, what we need and how we're feeling. The psalms demonstrate that God invites all of our emotions and complaints, and it can be so powerful to hand that over to the Lord in the secret place. But that is only one aspect of prayer - I think there's other parts that we need to be intentionally and regularly including in our conversations with God. There's no "magic formula" that will make God hear your prayers or will fix your situation, and there's no one way to pray, but I do believe that prayer was never designed to be all about us, and we need to refocus our attention on the Lord.

1. Meditate on the Lord's character.

Thinking about our circumstances constantly, even when we're praying about it, isn't going to make us feel any better about what's going on in our lives, it's only going to discourage us. We'll be fixated on what the Lord is doing for us, and if He's working in our lives the way we want Him to, instead of being open to what He's teaching us in this season. Our perspective will be so zoomed into ourselves that we'll forget the big picture: we serve a big, mighty, soveriegn God, who loves us and cares for us deeply, and whose thoughts are so much higher than our thoughts. In light of eternity, it's not about us. It's all about Him.

In prayer, I've started practicing using the Psalms as a tool to focus on the Lord's character and who He is. I preach to myself who my Father is and remind myself of all the ways He has come through for me before. I speak out loud Scripture that describes who the Lord is and the promises He has made, renewing my heart on the unchanging truth of the Bible instead of my wavering feelings and unsteady circumstances.

If I was talking to my best friend, catching up on life, and only talked about myself, never asking about her or complimenting her, then that's very prideful and selfish. It's a one sided, flat conversation, lacking any depth, because I'm the only topic. There's a time and place to talk about myself, but the conversation would be much more fruitful if there was mutual encouragement and support. In the same way, with God, constantly praying about ourselves is an indicator of pride. We have a special opportunity to express our adoration to the Lord of heaven and earth, and we miss out on that intimacy when we don't leave space to refocus on who we're actually praying to.

2. Thank God for what He has given you.

Difficult circumstances, or even just struggling to feel like the Lord is moving, can make it hard to remember or recognize how God has already blessed us so immensely. We get so caught up in the prayers we're waiting to have answered that we forget about the many other prayers that God has answered above and beyond what we expected. It takes more intentionality, but it really encourages my soul to practice gratitude and praise God for all the things He's done in my life.

A little bit ago I wrote about contentment, and I think it really relates to this topic, too. We will always be longing for and waiting for the next season of life, hoping that it's easier and anticipating a blessing that we don't have yet. But in doing so, we miss out on all the blessings we already have. We lose sight of the ways God has provided for us, how He's teaching and pruning us. No matter what season we're in, our circumstances will never be able to fully satisfy us, because Christ alone can satisfy us. We allow ourselves to be satisfied by Christ only when we fix our eyes on all that He is and all that He has done, instead of constantly wanting and asking for the things we don't have.

I try to do this regularly in my nighttime routine by writing down a list of what I'm grateful for from that day. I think back on the little things that brought me joy and comfort, glimpses of God blessing and covering me. I want to continue growing in bringing this to Him in prayer, too, but it starts with recognizing the gifts right in front of us. Once we acknowledge them, we can start thanking and praising God, and realizing that in the heaviest, hardest seasons, God has never left us, and He's never stopped showing us His character in the every day luxuries we often take for granted.

3. Spend time in stillness and reflection.

Similarly to the first point, we need to leave space for God to speak to us. It's important for us to meditate on His character, ponder it, and praise Him for who He is, but that's us talking. We're still dominating the conversation. We need to listen.

It's easy for me to practice stillness when God's voice is loud and clear. It's easy for me to stop talking when it feels like God instantly puts an encouragement on my heart, when I hardly have to wait to experience His presence. But it's a lot harder when I quiet my heart and I feel nothing, when His voice is impossible to detect and no matter how long I wait, I don't feel encouraged.

But that doesn't mean I should stop trying. That I should keep talking so I don't have to bear the weight of the silence. Because by avoiding the uncomfortable, I shut out the opportunity for God to grow me and work on my heart. I miss the quiet, subtle whispers of encouragement and hope that He might be trying to give me. And I lose the space to decompress, letting my thoughts slow and refocus on what really matters - Jesus. I'd encourage you to continue prioritizing being still, quieting your thoughts and making space to listen to the Lord, because even when it's hard, it's still producing fruit and investing in your intimacy God.

4. Pray for others.

Lately, I have felt extremely convicted by my lack of prayer for other people. I'm so focused on myself, my own struggles and prayer requests, that I have neglected making space for bringing the requests of my loved ones to the throne room of God. My prayers have been all about me that I miss the opportunity to intercede for my friends and family. In this realization, I'm reminded that praying for others isn't just for them, it's for the health of my heart, too.

When I pray for others, I take my eyes off of my own life and remember that there is so much beyond my own self. I gain the perspective that I lose when it's all about me. I'm humbled by the fact that my problems aren't the end all be all, that I'm not alone in the heaviness of life, because so many others are walking through the fire too. And, I'm refreshed with hope, because I have the opportunity to see how God is working in their life when it's hard to see how He's working in mine. Prayer is a weapon, for others, and for myself, to guard against selfishness and pride. I don't want to neglect this weapon anymore, and I don't want you to miss out on its power either,

---

I needed this post, to be challenged to start praying differently, and I hope that it challenged you, too. Our relationship with the Lord should be ever evolving, changing and being pruned, because the longer we walk with Jesus, the more He calls us higher and exposes the parts of us that don't reflect His character. I'm always learning, even when it's harder to recognize His voice, and I pray that for you too, friend. If you want to share what you're learning as you walk with the Lord, please leave it down in the comments, and I'd love to encourage you in that!