Advice to the Freshman Girl in College

In honor of completing my freshman year of college a week ago, I wanted to share my top pieces of advice to any girl who is moving to college for the first time. This post has been on my mind since I settled in Emporia, and I'd love to pass on what God has been teaching me and challenged me in. I found so much joy and excitement in moving to college, but it wasn't without it's challenges, testing, and uncomfortable situations. Making such a huge life change is undoubtably outside of most of our comfort zones, and it can feel isolating - but it's so worth it.

This advice is more than your typical "find a church home" advice that people often give freshmen in college - this is the real, tough wisdom that I had to live and battle through. I wish I was prepared for these aspects of college, but I hope to encourage you a little bit before you make this huge transition.

1. Be intentional with your schedule and rest.

High school is a busy season, but for me, college was at least twice as busy. I learned very early on that I had to set clear priorities and create rhythms of rest to keep my cup overflowing, or else burn out would consume me. Your parents aren't encouraging you to have a good bedtime or routine anymore, and no one is going to stop you if you keep run, run, running without taking a break. But, mentally, physically, and spiritually, you will feel it. You won't have anything to give if you never slow down enough to be refreshed. I felt depleted, like I would never be able to catch up, when I insisted on filling my schedule to the max, consuming my energy with homework, to dos, and other people.

Within your first few weeks of college, as you experience for the first time what events and clubs are happening on campus, start deciding the top two or three things you want to prioritize. Of course, schoolwork is important, but is doing 110% on all your assignments and projects a high priority to you? Is there a group or club that you want to pour into? What about a church or a specific friend? When you're living on campus, you'll realize that there are so many things to choose from, and you can't do it all.

I found it helpful to set aside at least one night that is simply to rest, and protect that night, so that I have space to relax and refresh in the middle of my busy week. Outside of that one night, I committed to Christian Challenge and building community, and that was a high precedence above almost everything else, assuming that my schoolwork was all taken care of. When I knew that those few things were most important to me, my schedule didn't get less busy, but I let go of the pressure of having to attend every event and focused on the things that matter most to me (and that also fill up my cup the most).

2. Get out of your comfort zone and do things you wouldn't normally do.

College is the time for you to reinvent yourself, to be brave, and to try new things. Very few people, if anyone, know who you were in high school, so this is your opportunity to get outside of your comfort zone and take risks. For me, that risk was participating in volleyball with Christian Challenge, among other things. Did the night fail? Quite honestly, yes. (I cried in the bathroom - balls and I do not mix.) But, did God use it to allow me to meet Katie, someone who is now very close to me? He did! It also helped me to practice denying fear and choosing to be brave.

That's a big thing that college was for me. This is your chance to do the things you never did in high school, whether it be out of fear or lack of opportunity. Practice being bold. Go to church alone, to new events alone. Introduce yourself first. Try new things. Do the scary thing, because college is shorter than you realize, and getting outside of your comfort zone is the very thing that will change you for the better. You have no clue what's waiting for you after you say "no" to being afraid and "yes" to being brave, and even if it's uncomfortable or flops in the moment, God LOVES to use that for our good and His glory.

Be brave. Determine right now that you will say yes to being uncomfortable for the sake of growth and friendships, and I promise you, you won't regret it. Do whatever it is that you've always wanted to try, or confront that fear you've always had, and watch how God will use it. Watch those insecurities and worries melt away as you face them head on. If I can do it, so can you.

3. Initiate, initiate, initiate.

Listen up! This is my #1 piece of advice to college freshman, and I wish I was more prepared to do this moving into college.

Get comfortable, right now, initiating. Get ready to be the first one (and maybe the only one) reaching out to make plans and meet new people.

When I got to Emporia, I was shocked at how quickly it seemed like everyone else had already clicked with their friend group, and how slow it felt to meet mine. My friends did not just fall in my lap or appear out of thin air - they took me searching them out, asking strangers to get Starbucks with me (yes, I DMed two strangers to hang out, and it worked out!), and being brave. I had to start conversations, send follow up texts, make plans, ask deep questions, because my friendships didn't just happen. It took work. It was all worth it, but I wasn't prepared to be one of the only ones doing the work.

College students want and need friends, but the majority of them aren't willing to be the first one to reach out or ask you to hang out. It's not always the most fun role to take on, but I have yet to have an experience initiating that ended absolutely horribly and that I completely regretted. You need friends, and you need deep, rich friendships, but that might require you to be the one who gets it all started. Reach out, introduce yourself to everyone, especially in those first few weeks, but don't stop! Don't stop inviting and initiating, because the more you do it, the more comfortable it'll become, and that's potentially a big way that you'll meet your people. Joining clubs and groups is great until you're there alone and have no one to talk to - so you have to go talk to the people who are there. And then schedule a time to continue to get to know each other outside of that club. And then invite them to walk over or ride with you.

And you may just be surprised at who you meet. You may be surprised to find an initiator, just like you. You may find the most fulfilling, wholesome friendships. Or even better yet, you may find a friendship that is an answer to both of your prayers.

I don't say all of this to discourage you, but to empower you. There's also a chance that making friends is a lot easier for you than it was for me, and that's great! I pray that it is. But if it's not, don't give up. Keep reaching out, inviting, and being the first person to make plans, because it's rewarding, and God may just want to use you to be that person in someone else's life. Do not give up, because you never know when God might be turning a page on your story.

I was the initiator, a whole lot of times, throughout my freshman year. And not only did God grow me and challenge me in really uncomfortable yet beautiful ways, I found my people, the community I prayed over for years. God used my faithfulness and surrender to being the first one, and I'm so thankful He did.

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My freshman year of college was probably the most fun, most rewarding, and one of the most stretching seasons of my life, and it was all worth it. I'm so grateful that the Lord was faithful in walking me through the good, the bad, and the ugly, and that He redeemed the hard situations. You will find that some parts of college are immediately a blast, and others take a little bit more work, but having to put in the work doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or that your college experience is down the drain. It just means that God has something He wants to teach and train you in, and perhaps and even bigger blessing, on the other side of the lesson. Some things, you'll just have to learn by experiencing it, but I pray that these few pieces of advice are encouraging and helpful, and that they set you up for success going into your freshman year of college.

No matter what, keep clinging to God. Depend on Him for everything, and continue trusting in His character. More than any advice or packing lists or club, that is what will sustain you and help you thrive in college - and for the rest of your life.