A Relationship Lesson that has Impacted my Walk with God (K+E 2 year anniversary!)

Yesterday, Koa and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary, and what a blessing the past two years have been! I look back on the people we were when we started dating, the relationship we had, and then reflect on who we've become, and I'm truly just in awe. I'm extraordinarily grateful for how the Lord has worked in us, transformed us, and turned us into people who love Him more than anything else together. There will never be enough words to fully express my thankfulness for the privilege of getting to love Koa and for all that I've witnessed God do in and through us over the past two years, but what I really want to focus on today is a lesson that I've learned by doing life with Koa - and that's translated significantly to my relationship with God.

I mentioned this briefly in my post about what I would have told myself before we became long distance, but I wanted to expand on it here because this strategy is one of the big reasons, I think, why Koa and I are so strong, and it's making my relationship with the Lord stronger too.

Koa and I consistently and intentionally reconnect every day, sometimes multiple times a day. If one of us feels distant or anxious, we reconnect. If we have a disagreement or conflict, we reconnect. At the end of the day, no matter what, we take time to recap our day, encourage each other, and reconnect. I think that this is honestly just a healthy habit in general, but I've never heard of other people doing this, and it is so very important.

I think reconnecting for any couple can look different, but for us, it looks like focusing our attention specifically on each other. Sometimes we take deep breaths together, regulating our emotions, and then we both share words of encouragement, whether that be specific to the situation or simply reminding the other person why we love them. It's kind of like pouring back into each others cup so that we're doing our relationship with a full tank of gas instead of empty (because when you're on empty, you're not as gentle, kind, or forgiving). If needed, we talk through the conflict again, in a more respectful and kind way, and find resolution or compromise. Sometimes, all we need is five or ten minutes to explain more clearly how we felt in the moment and reassurance that we're on the same team, then we're good to go.

This has been a game changer for us because miscommunication and hurt feelings happen. Goodness, sometimes I need to reconnect but because I'm feeling emotional! It keeps us on the same page, and because we practice communicating in that way so intentionally (although not perfectly), it makes both of us feel so much loved and closer when our flesh could just as easily pull us apart.

But I also started noticing a difference in my relationship with God when I applied the same concept of reconnecting to my Father. Just like sometimes Koa and I can have miscommunications or feel distant, sometimes I feel distant from God or like I'm not perfectly aligned with His voice and His presence. Instead of saying, "God, I feel far from You," I've started saying, "God, could we reconnect?" and go through the same process with Him to refocus and come back together stronger.

Because when I think that God is far, my instinct is to figure out what I did wrong and fix it. I start to strive and beg for forgiveness for whatever sin I must have committed to push God away. Instead of coming to God surrendered and open, I actually do the opposite, and allow my own feelings to prevent myself from actually experiencing God's presence in the first place. But, when I switch my mindset to reconnecting with God, I give myself the space to be honest with God about how I'm truly feeling, while also allowing space for God's voice and Scripture to speak truth into me. The tiny shift helps me to operate out of relationship with the Father and grace instead of guilt or shame.

I notice that this perspective has allowed me to experience so much growth with the Father and has brought so much freedom. I don't have to "figure out" why God feels "far," I can just ask Him and allow Him to encourage me instead of doing it on my own. I don't have to strive or correct my behavior to then experience God's presence, but I can invite God's presence into whatever I'm feeling in the moment. I get to grow with God, walking near beside Him through all the feels and confusion, instead of trying to catch up to where I think I should be. I'm learning that perfection isn't the goal, but intimacy with the Father is, and that takes vulnerability and honesty in the moment of the particular struggle, not once I gather myself and feel worthy to come to His feet again (because truthfully, I'm never worthy).

So, the next time you feel like God is a little distant, or if you didn't pray much throughout the day, I'd encourage you to ask Him to reconnect. Explain all your emotions, ask for forgiveness if there's something weighing on your heart, and then make space to just listen and allow Him to speak the truth into you. Meditate on Scripture and soak in it, praise the Lord and be grateful for His character. Take it slow, and listen - no pressure, rush, or striving to "fix" anything. That little shift might be the very thing you need to deepen your connection with God and encourage you in your day to day walk with Him.

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I'm so thankful that Koa and I get to walk through life together and get to push each other closer to the Lord. We're not perfect, but he's an answered prayer, and I'm extremely excited to share this little lesson with you guys! It's also a little reminder that the person you're dating should be running just as hard after Jesus as you are, and that your relationship should constantly be evolving and growing to become more and more Christlike.

And, in honor of our 2 year anniversary, here are a few of our favorite memories from the past 2 years. :)