Song of Songs Chapter 1: Reframing Our Perspective of Sex + Christian Relationships

I am so very excited to do this Bible study with you, friends, because it impacted me so much. I felt like the Lord revealed so much to me as I studied Song of Songs (or Songs of Solomon) for truly the first time in depth, and it's hard to put into words how it made me feel. I think I felt relief and hope to have this biblical account of what true love looks like, where sex isn't shameful but celebrated. I'd never experienced Scripture in this context before, and it was so beautiful, and I'm so eager to share with you everything that I've learned.

This is going to be a longer series than usual, but I want to take it chapter by chapter and dive into what Songs of Songs is even talking about, because as poetry, it is harder to understand, and what that means for us as we learn what biblical relationships and sex is meant to look like. Today, we're going to start in Songs of Songs chapter 1! I'd love if you would take some time to read through this first chapter (it's not long, I promise) and ask the Lord to prepare your heart for what He wants to teach us today.

Let's dive in!

While there is some controversy over who wrote Song of Songs, it's generally accepted that Solomon wrote this book earlier in his life, before he had hundreds of concubines and wives. This was likely his first wife, his first love, and a documentation of how their relationship unfolded in a wonderfully unique and poetic way. When my commentary introduced Song of Songs, this quote stuck out to me so boldly, and I think it really sums up the book in a beautiful way.

"They are one in their desires because their desires are God-given."

Already, before we even dive into the Scripture, I am so encouraged. Our desires for love and intimacy are God given, part of our design, and when we find our person to protect and honor those desires, the Lord is so honored.

In verses 2-4, the woman (or maiden) in this story begins, introducing her love for this man. My commentary pointed out how she is not passive in this relationship, despite some misunderstandings that being submissive to your partner means being silent or quieting your personality. In fact, twice as many verses are from the woman than are from the man. She isn't weak or quiet, and I love that. In verse 2, she allows space for him to lead by not initiating the kiss, but expressing her desire to kiss him. She says "your name is like perfume being poured out," expressing how much she respected his character and reputation. This love story is so much more than physical; it's emotional and meaningful. And, green flag, others recognize these positive characteristics in him, too.

Perhaps my favorite part about this book is how their love is celebrated. Verse 5 says (from the perspective of the friends or onlookers) "We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine." I've noticed that having a healthy, loving relationship isn't always celebrated, but instead criticized for being clingy or promoting independence instead of partnership. It's not wrong to be independent, and that's a beautiful quality too, but I so admire how they had a community of people around them who recognized the value of their love and cherished their relationship along with them. Love is a blessing from the Lord, and while it wasn't meant to become an idol or our life's purpose, it is a special part of God's design, and I'm so thankful for it.

In the next few verses, we can see that in some ways, the woman felt insecure and unattractive because of her dark skin. In the culture of this time, fair skin was deemed more attractive than tanned skin, but because of the hardships she went through with her family verse 6), she spent extra time outside, making her skin appear more brown. In these feelings, she sought her beloved and wannted to spend time with him. In verse 7, when she says, "Why should I be like a veiled woman, beside the flocks of your friends?" we her heart for purity and modesty. Prostitutes often wore veils, and she didn't want to even be associated with that image; despite her insecurities, she honored her body and her reputation.

When Solomon says in verse 9 that "I liken you, my darling, to a mare among Pharoah's chariot horses," he means that she was his pride and joy. She's strong and magnificent, and Solomon is proud of her as a king would be proud of his mighty horses. We often find him praising her for her beauty, but also her heart and her character. She, too, is aware of her physical attraction, but sought to share that only in appropriate settings, with self control.

Another one of my favorite parts about this chapter is verse 14, where she says, "My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi." En Gedi was an oasis of water and life in Judah, where it was an otherwise a barren place. He was a source of refreshment to her, a source of life, and that is so key as we navigate relationships. Our partner should be a person who lifts us up and encourages us, fills up our cup and points us towards the true source of life. And we should be doing the same. When we are in the relationship that God designed for us, it leads us to life and fullness, and draws us closer to the Father - and that is beyond a gift.

In the rest of chapter 1, they go back and forth praising each other and their relationship. Note that none of these words are one sided; he admires her beauty, and she admires his. At the end of verse 16, she says "and our bed is verdant." Verdant means lush, green, and flourishing - their sexual relationship was flourishing. In the context God designed it to be in (marriage), sex is life giving and fruitful, too, and it's easy to forget that when purity culture implies the message that sex is bad, so we need to avoid it before we're married. Solomon talks about their relationship in verse 17, when he says, "The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs." In Bible times, using "cedars" and "firs" would have conveyed a clear message about how their relationship is both strong and beautiful. Those trees are durable and highly valued, and it's spectacular imagery to be able to describe your relationship that way.

As I finished out the first chapter of Songs of Songs, those last few verses encouraged me to examine, pray over, and work on the strength of my romantic relationship. I want the foundation of my relationship to be just as strong and beautiful as the most majestic trees in the forest. That requires me to build not only my relationship but my life upon the rock, the Lord, and let Him direct every single stepping stone and brick after that.

We're only in the first chapter, and there is so much goodness here, my friends! I'm so thankful that the Lord demonstrates so clearly what biblical love looks like, and that we have seven more chapters left to learn and dive into what sex inside God's design looks like. I pray that this has encouraged your heart and inspired you to continue to learn and pray about what this means for your relationship, and gave you some clarity about what we sometimes get wrong!