How the Lord Has Convicted (And Encouraged) Me in My Friendships

Comparison and friendship have been a struggle for me for what feels like most of my life. Especially since middle school, I haven't felt like I've had a close, consistent core group of girl friends who supported me and pursued Jesus with me, and that's been a huge burden on my heart. I crave community, and I've always felt like since my friendships didn't look like what I thought I wanted that something was wrong with me. I thought I just wasn't enough, that no one wanted me, and that I wouldn't be anyone's first choice of a friend. I'm not proud to admit that these are beliefs I still hold and am working with the Lord to let go of.

But after a trip back home and a sweet visit with some friends, the Lord rocked my boat in the best way and started a massive shift in the way I view my friendships. He has both convicted and encouraged me and I could not be more thankful because this new revelation has brought hope and refreshment to my perspective towards my people. I'm mainly writing this as a documentation and an encouragement to future Ellie when she continues to struggle with community, but I so deeply pray that this encourages you if and when you battle with lies and comparison around your friendships.

1. I DO have friends!

This is so basic and a little silly, but sometimes I forget that just because I don't have 20 friends doesn't mean I don't have friends at all. My circle isn't big but that doesn't mean that it is any less quality, and too often I've found myself comparing my community and feeling like it's less than simply because it's not big. That is such a lie from the enemy and I cannot believe that I haven't recognized it and taken it captive until now. That mindset and fear has stolen so much joy and contentment with what the Lord has given me, and that makes me sick.

It is so easy to get caught up in what you think you want and feel like you're missing out on - but that distraction actually makes you miss what you really have. Satan loves to try to get you to fix your eyes on what makes you feel less than so that you can't fully enjoy the blessing that God has given you. And if you're there with me, let's take that back. I want to take back where I place my attention and focus because God is too good for me to not celebrate what He's given me - including a few really special, beautiful, and kind friends. Your community does not have to look like what you see on social media to be fruitful and a blessing. It does not have to look like everyone else's to be handpicked and precious from the Lord. Gosh, how often I forget that.

2. God has given me this circle for a purpose.

One of the most profound revelations that the Lord has given me regarding my community is that there is a reason why it doesn't look like everyone else's. This actually makes me want to cry because for a long time I felt like God just wasn't answering my prayers and was holding out on me - when really, He was giving me what I truly needed. He is so patient to love me even when I don't understand and think my way is better.

Perhaps the Lord gave me a smaller circle so that I can love those friends so deeply and pour into them more. Maybe He knew that my social battery is only so big, and He wanted to give me the opportunity to love my friends so big rather than be drained by large groups and social gatherings. Maybe my few friends are an opportunity to minister and invest in, instead of to impress and fill my life with noise and drama (not that all big groups cause noise and drama - just a personal thought). Maybe God knew what would help me grow in my faith are a few really quality, really intentional people, than a lot of people who didn't get to know my heart vulnerably and didn't get to walk closely with me.

I wholeheartedly believe that God is SO very thoughtful with the people He places in our lives. He's not holding back at all; in fact, He's given me such a massive blessing by not giving me what I thought I needed.

3. Love them bigger.

God really convicted me that I have been taking some of my friends for granted because I was so focused on the image of community that I had in my head. He revealed to me that I haven't been loving my friends as big as I can and should because I've been too focused on what I want than what they need and deserve. That is absolutely not a fun realization and is incredibly humbling but also so necessary. I have been missing out on some of the richness and fullness of my community simply because I've been selfish and haven't given my people all the love in my heart that I'm so capable of giving.

The Lord is challenging me to love them bigger. To be more intentional about reaching out, checking in, and praying over my people. To not let distance create a gap between our friendship. To love them boldly and vulnerably instead of being afraid of being too much. To be their biggest cheerleader and supporter. To become the friend I've always wanted.

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This makes me so emotional, and I'm so thankful for it. I am so thankful that the Lord has challenged me with these things and restored my hope and my perspective. For so long I lived in defeat, thinking that I was hopeless and that He would never bring me the friendships I've always craved. My Abba is so incredibly kind and gentle to me - even when I am totally oblivious to His heart. I am beyond grateful that He is so patient with me and has been working in me and molding me to become the kind of friend that honors Him and loves His people well (even if it took me longer than I'd like to admit to get to this point).

If you're struggling with your community - keep trusting Jesus. Keep believing that He has good plans and lean into His voice, because He sees so much more than we do, and He knows what we really need. Surrender to the Father's plan and heart for you instead of holding on to your expectations and dreams, because His plans are so much better. Do not lose hope, because just when you think the story is over, He flips the page and changes the plot faster than you'd ever expect. And sweet girl, social media should never be our measure for how quality our community is. Comparison is stealing our joy and stealing our attention to the point where we can't recognize how much the Lord has truly given us.

GOD IS SO GOOD, my friends! I am so thankful for Him and I pray that this post encourages your heart as much as it did mine. :)