Song of Songs Chapter 5: The Importance of Vulnerability and Sacrifice in Relationships

This is our fifth week in our Song of Songs series, and each week I learn so much and find encouragement about what it looks like to be in a biblical relationship! We've dove deep into what purity looks like, specific qualities to look for in a partner, and how God designed sex, and there's truly so much that hasn't been talked about in the Christian circle. We're going to continue diving into this book, and I have full confidence that there is even more that the Lord wants to reveal to us and remind us of!

If you remember where we left off last week, the maiden had just invited Solomon into her "garden," or her body, where they could intimately love and know each other. Now, in chapter 5 verse 1, Solomon accepts that invitation. He has received her and they are now one, and he describes how pleasing and satisfying their intimacy was. In fact, at the end of verse 1, their friends celebrate their intimacy and encourage them to "drink their fill of love." While this may seem strange, they are encouraging this closeness and sexuality because it is explored in the right context of marriage. Sex is part of God's perfect, beautiful design, and those who love Solomon and his bride are supporting them as they walk in that design!

Heading into verse 2, the maiden begins to describe another dream like experience. In this dream, she was sleeping alone, and her beloved, Solomon, was knocking on the door. He calls for her to open the door and praises her for her beauty, while also expressing how uncomfortable he was waiting outside in the cold, wet night. Yet the maiden found excuses not to get up and open the door - she had already taken off her robe and cleaned her feet. Solomon put his hand on the door, continuing to ask her to let him in, but he didn't force himself in. Finally, the maiden slowly gets up to open the door, perhaps out of resentment, but by the time she opens the door, Solomon is gone. Myrrh is dripping off the door handle, a mark of his love, but she missed being with him.

This honestly broke my heart to read. The maiden missed out on the opportunity to love her husband because she decided that her own comfort was more important. She chose herself over saying yes to an opportunity to be close and grow with Solomon. I'm challenged to be incredibly intentional about letting Koa in and welcoming new opportunties to love and serve him, even if it's outside of my comfort zone or requires some sacrifice. In fact, that's what love is - sacrifice. And if we choose to ignore what the opportunity God has given us, we miss out on a new depth to our relationship.

In fact, the maiden experienced even bigger consequences than just missing out.

She went out to search for Solomon, but couldn't find him. Instead, she was mistreated and abused by men on the street as she sought out to find her husband. The maiden expresses how much she aches at his absence, and how hurt she became as she looked for him.

Her friends, in verse 9, asked the maiden what made him so special and why she was so desperate to find him. And in the rest of the chapter, she eloquently described all of her favorite qualities about him. From his character and accomplishments, to the details of his appearance and beauty, the maiden noticed and appreciated the entirety of his being

As I read this, I found her words incredible romantic but very sad at the same time. The maiden didn't get to share her love with Solomon because she didn't let him in, and in the same way, we can miss out on something beautiful if we don't put the other person before ourselves, get uncomfortable, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Solomon pursued her, but she didn't welcome him in. This can apply sometimes to the single girls (and guys) out there, but it can also apply to those in a relationship. Sometimes, out of fear or hurt, we can push our partner away (whether for a long period of time or a short period of time) when they come checking in or opening up. We don't force ourselves to get out of our warm, comfortable spot of selfishness, pity, or pain to be able to experience it with the person we love. And then, like the maiden, we miss out - and remember all the reasons why we loved them in the first place.

For me, in my relationship, I'm reminded to never forget why I love my partner and to always welcome him in when he comes knocking. I never want to reject him for my own comfort or satisfaction or selfishness. I never want to be so stuck in my feelings that I don't let him in. I want to be more intentional about truly opening up and reminding him of all the things I love about him, instead of waiting until I miss him to share those really sweet words.

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This book has the plot of a romance movie, but it's still so applicable. We see their love story unfold, and are challenged to learn from her mistakes and love our partner in a more gentle, vulnerable way. I also think it's so beautiful how God can use the mistakes of those in the Bible to teach us and refine us, especially since we often make the very same mistakes. God's word is perfect and is filled with so much treasure, and it's so beautiful (and fun) to be able to unfold that!

What stuck out from this chapter for you? How can you practice letting your partner in? Let me know down in the comments below!