Song of Songs Chapter 6: Handling Conflict in a Loving, Christlike Way
- elliegrace0807
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
This is our sixth week studying Song of Songs, and I have been learning so much. I'm so passionate about this topic because I feel that it's one not discussed enough in our Christian circle, and the Bible has so much to teach us about relationships, sexuality, and romance. We've been walking through Solomon's love story with his maiden, and where we left off last week, the maiden was searching for Solomon (who left after she didn't open the door when he knocked) and describing all the reasons why she loves him.
At the beginning of Song of Songs chapter 6, the maiden's friends speak again, asking where Solomon went to help her search for him. Throughout the book, they are invested in their love story and incredibly supportive of their relationship - which is a small detail that I find really encouraging to real life.
In response to their question, the maiden realizes that Solomon is likely doing his work and also looking for ways to display his love for her. And there he was, in the garden, tending to the flowers and gathering lillies. They were reunited, and Solomon embraces her with open arms - not a hint of resentment in sight. In fact, as they reconnected, he lavishes compliments on her, admiring her eyes, hair, teeth, and temples. Verse 8-9a even says, "Sixty queen there may be, and eighty concubines, and virgins beyond number; but my dove, my perfect one, is unique." Solomon is explicitly expressing that he prefers her over any other woman, and that he truly values her - despite the way that she didn't let him in.
Solomon tells their friends that he came down to see the growth in the valley of the pomegranates and vines, and in the same way, their relationship was in "spring" again, full of new life and fruit. The goodness and depth of their relationship was restored following a season in the valleys, where they were isolated and disconnected. In verse 12, he says, "Before I realized it, my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people." Meaning, this renewed love was exhilarating and felt as fast and free as a chariot. Love and romance in the way God designed it is meant to be exciting and joyful, even if relationships do go through different seasons because we're all human.
The friends responded by expressing their desire to continue admiring the maiden and celebrating their relationship. I'm encouraged by their example that love is meant to be celebrated and honored throughout the course of the entire relationship, through the highs and lows, even after the wedding day, because it's such a beautiful, intimate part of God's design.
This chapter was another short one, but it teaches so much wisdom about how we, as Christians, are called to handle conflict in our relationships. While this is speaking significantly to conflict with a romantic partner, it's absolutely still applicable to other relationships as well. While the maiden made the mistake of not opening the door for Solomon in the first place, she took ownership of it and sought to make things right. And when they were reunited, Solomon embraced her with open arms, not holding any grudges or bitterness, and instead lavishing on her with reassurance and love. I imagine that he did experience hurt and frustration with how she treated him, but he set those aside and selflessly forgave her. And because he did that, their relationship was able to deepen and they experienced renewed growth, life, and fruit,
I'd like to clarify that in any relationship, you should be prayerful about how the Lord wants you to approach conflict. Toxic relationships are a completely different story, but in a healthy, loving relationship, we are called to be selfless and forgiving because that's how Christ loves us. Yes, communicate your feelings, work through trials together, and seek to find compromise, but put the other person above yourself. When two people prioritize the other, no one gets the short end of the stick, the relationship is able to bear fruit, and conflict becomes an opportunity to love each other deeper rather than build a bigger chasm.
To close out this post, I want to offer a few super practical tips for how we can apply this chapter to our every day life. It's hard to talk about conflict, and sometimes we haven't seen a good example of how to work through it lovingly, but it's so important if we want our relationships to thrive and honor the Lord.
In the middle of frustration, take a deep breath, step back, and offer each other reassurance and reminders of why you love each other. Don't let the hurt cloud the care you have for each other.
Ask your partner how they feel and how you can love them better. When you both have the other's best interest in mind, you can feel heard and understood - and hear and understand their perspective, too. (Less resentment this way!)
Focus on reconnecting, not deciding who's right. This shouldn't be a debate, it should be a gentle conversation, choosing each other over rather than winning.
Celebrate the wins! Did you take even a baby step of progress in handling this conflict? Recognize that and let it encourage you to keep moving forward and growing.
I loved this chapter! It can be hard to navigate conflict, especially with the person you love the most (and are the most comfortable with), but it's so important that we learn to handle it gently and mindfully. Scripture has so much to teach us, and I love that we were able to see it acted out here in Song of Songs! Ultimately, I'm reminded how gracious and forgiving God has been towards me, and so I should be extending that same grace and forgiveness to others. Koa and I have really been able to see how conflict is an opportunity for more growth and closeness, and I can honestly say our relationship is stronger because of it. It's not easy, but it's worth it!
