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The #1 Thing Being a Girlfriend Has Taught Me

I've officially been dating Ayden for a year, and how that year has flown by! We've been through so much together this past year, and we've both grown even more, both as a couple and as individuals. I don't think I realized how hard yet rewarding it would be to be in a Christian relationship. It can most definitely be difficult navigating how to honor God in this dating relationship when there's so few godly examples of that in the world. But I am so thankful for all the people we have supporting us and holding us accountable, and I am beyond grateful for Ayden and how strong we are together.

Even though there have been so many things I've learned this past year being a girlfriend, there's one big thing that God has really taught me that has begun to completely transform my perspective.

God has opened my eyes to what being selfless looks like and the many ways I can improve.

I believe that dating is God's way of preparing us for marriage. It's His way of teaching us what it looks like to serve another person and put them above yourself, and I believe that God has really been teaching me that as I'm dating Ayden. Being selfless like that does not come very naturally to me, but it's been insane to me how God has been working in me lately.

Being a normally selfish person, I quickly came to learn that when I am focused solely on myself and what I want, it leads to so many unnecessary conflicts. It stresses me out, and it leads to arguments between Ayden and I. I was praying about it one day, and that's when I discovered the five year rule.

If it won't matter in five years, then let it go.

There are so many miniscule things that we can choose to fight about. But if you look beyond the moment, beyond yourself, then it resolves so many issues. It brings so much more peace into the relationship when you simply let it go. This five year rule hasn't fixed all of our problems, but it has helped my own peace and the peace of our relationship. It's helped me become more forgiving, and it's given space for grace where there would otherwise be very little.

Now that God is showing me how to be more selfless, He's also showing me that it's more than just letting go of the things that aren't worth fighting for. It takes effort and intentionality to serve the other person even when you don't really feel like it. It takes setting aside your momentary feelings or desires to lift the other person up like God has called you to. It takes being loving even when love feels really, really hard.

For me, as a girlfriend, being selfless sometimes looks like:

  • being understanding instead of angry when Ayden doesn't respond as quickly as I'd like

  • sending long paragraphs telling him how much I love him

  • praying for him over text after a disagreement

  • writing him letters

  • allowing him to be his own person apart from me and my interests

  • supporting everything that he's passionate about

  • spending money + time investing in him

But being selfless isn't a quality solely for being a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife. Being selfless is something that God commands us to be and work towards. Being selfless is a quality that is vital in any relationship, whether you're a sister, daughter, friend, classmate, or student.

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:4

"in humility count others more significant than yourselves." - Philippians 2:3

God is teaching me to be selfless outside of my relationship with Ayden through:

  • following the five year rule with my siblings

  • helping my teammates with their injuries

  • writing letters to encourage my teammates, friends + family

  • checking in with friends, family, and even other classmates

  • sharing my resources (wisdom I have, school supplies, clothes)

  • investing in the people around me

  • texting friends truths of who God is + who God says they are every morning

I'm being challenged to be more selfless in all my relationships, not just through what God is speaking to me, but also through the way Ayden treats me. He has never been anything but patient, kind and generous towards me, and that pushes me to be the best version of myself. His Christ-like love challenges me to love like Christ as well.

Guys, being selfless can be hard. It usually takes us outside of our comfort zone and outside our feelings. It takes intentionality and effort. It takes asking God to help you serve the people He's placed in your life with the same kind of love that He loves us with.

But when we lean into God and allow Him to refine us to become more like the people He wants us to be, we can reflect His love into the world. Through Christ's strength alone we can shine His light to the people around us as we care and invest in the people around us. And maybe, just maybe, someone around us will come to know Jesus through our selfless actions and they too can shine His light into the world.

Lord, I pray that You would continue to refine and transform me to become more like You. Refine me and transform me to reflect the same selfless love that You have shown me. Help me to love the people around me through Your strength, not mine. Help me to glorify You in all my relationships and point my life towards Yours. Give me strength, Lord, and give me grace, as I work towards serving others and putting them before myself as You call me to. Amen.


This past year has been a wild one, but I am so incredibly grateful for all that God has given me - my people, who support me, my boyfriend, who loves me, and the perspective changing lessons. I'm far from perfect but God is good and He is working in both my life and yours. It is my prayer that God would continue to teach both you and I how to become selfless, loving people just like He is. I pray that He would use us to shine His light in this dark world, all for His glory.

If you have any prayer requests, please let me know in the comments below so that I can pray for you specifically, and so can other readers. Or, if you have any encouragement that you'd like to add, drop those below as well so that we can uplift each other!



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