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To the Girl Longing for a Relationship

To the girl longing for a relationship,

In a recent conversation with a friend, I realized that so many girls out there are longing for a boyfriend. Someone to love them, take care of them, spoil them rotten. Someone to be #couplegoals with and take cute pictures with. It's really easy to look around at other couples and desire what they "have". And while I am currently in a relationship, there was a time when I definitely was in this place.

Whenever I was praying about dating Ayden and waiting for my parents' permission, I craved the ability to just call him my boyfriend already. I wanted so badly to date him, and it was hard to be told "no". Even before Ayden came into my life, I often sat on the sidelines watching my friends date cute guys. Those relationships didn't last very long, but I still wanted someone to sing to me and bring me flowers and hold my hand in the hallway. It got to the point where I idolized being in a relationship.

If this is you, sweet girl, I've learned a thing or two that I want to share with you. I've realized that girls (especially young girls) aren't told this enough, and so that's what I'm here to do. This is exactly what I told my best friend, so please know that this comes from a place of love.

First off, a boyfriend will not complete you. Let me repeat that: a boyfriend will not complete you.

You may feel like you're "missing something" right now, and I get that. I was there too. But having a guy in your life does not fill that hole. I've tried that, and it didn't work. Trust me. You are complete when, and only when, you are right with the Lord and walking with Him. Not when you're dating the hottest guy in the school or when you finally have a date to the dance or when someone walks you to class. Only the Lord can complete you.

Since I've started dating Ayden, I've realized that it is okay for me to be my own person apart from Ayden. In fact, it's healthy! What's not healthy is when you begin to be consumed with this longing to be in a relationship (that's called idolatry, by the way). I've realized that I am not worth any more by being in a relationship than I am single. My value comes solely from who God says I am and who He is molding me to become, not my relationship status. And that truth is the same for you.

It's also important to note that no guy is perfect. No relationship is always butterflies and rainbows. It won't fulfill you or even keep you happy for very long because it's imperfect and some days really, really hard. (Worth it, absolutely. Hard, yes.) It cannot complete you or fill the hole in your heart or make you eternally happy. Nothing on earth can do that, but especially not a boyfriend.

If you are struggling with this desire to be dating and in a relationship, why? Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship so badly. Are you lonely? Are you craving to be loved and desperate to feel wanted? Do you want to prove something? Are you trying to fill a hole in your heart? Are you attempting to fit in?

Friend, whatever your reason is, be honest with yourself. Not to judge yourself or feel ashamed, but to be real with yourself so you can learn how to move forward. I'm asking these hard questions because they are necessary and important, and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I just let you sit in your problems and sadness.

Whatever your reason is, please hear this: you are loved. Even if no one else arounds you loves you or shows you love, you are loved by the God of this universe and He wants you. His love for you is greater than all the love people can give you because He loves you perfectly. There's no fights or breakups with God, it's endless love. It's unconditional love (that's right, you don't have to earn it). Let God's love fill you up completely and define you, and then, through prayer and God's guidance, let Him walk you into a relationship with the right guy.

Please don't rush into a relationship without God's guidance. The heartbreak of not following God's plan for you is not worth the momentary "oh wow I feel special". Please don't break relationships with friends and family for a guy. I can ask these things because I've learned it myself, and I want to save you from that hurt.

If I could pass on one piece of practical advice to my single girls out there, it would be this: dive deeper into the relationships you have right now. Especially the non-romantic ones. Grow closer to God than you've ever been before. Spend extra time with your girlfriends and go on adventures together. Prioritize your family and get to know them on a deeper level. It would be such a better use of your time to dive into these relationships right now than be fixated on the one relationship you wish you had. And then, once you do start dating, it will make staying balanced so much easier.


Girls, it is my prayer that you know how loved and valuable you are - with or without a boyfriend. God has chosen you and declared you beautiful and worthy, and His opinion matters a million times more than the cute guy you sit next to in math.

If you are longing for a relationship right now, let me know in the comments down below so I can pray for you specifically. Or, if you have any advice for single girls, please drop it in the comments so that we can mutually grow and encourage each other.



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