What I Would Have Told Myself Before Going Long Distance

Koa and I have been long distance for a little over three months, and I feel like I've learned so much that I wish I could've told myself before we moved. I was so scared of what it would be like to be long distance and feared that it would break our relationship, but the Lord has been so sweet to us and it's better than I could have ever imagined. We still have our hard moments and I nearly cry every time we have to say goodbye, but there is so much joy and learning that has happened in this season too, and I know the Lord is using it to prepare us for the future He has for us.

I talked about this in a previous post, but as I prayed for God to prepare me to be a godly wife and mother one day, and to mold me into the kind of woman He wants me to be, He brought challenges to shape and challenge my character. The exact same happened as Koa and I transitioned to long distance. I prayed that the Lord would strengthen and bless our relationship and prepare us to one day be a godly married couple on fire and in ministry for His glory, and He brought circumstances and lessons to help us get a little bit closer than that. We are NOT perfect, but we are growing so much every day, and I love him even more than I did when we were back home, and I truly want to celebrate and share with you all the things that I've learned!

1. Connecting is not as hard as you think!

I was worried that in college we would have no time together and that we'd feel really distant. The Lord is so kind and that is not the case at all! Somehow - by God's grace - our schedules line up perfectly and we're almost always in class at the same time, and he has practice while I work. That makes it a lot easier, but no matter what, it boils down to effort. The quality of your connection depends on the amount of your effort, and I am blessed to have a partner who puts forth a ton of effort to make me feel seen and loved. FaceTime calls, communicating your schedule, planning movie nights, talking about the future - all of those things are so easy when you choose to do them, and it makes a world of difference.

Feeling disconnected also is never a forever thing. We have found a strategy that works for us when we feel distant, and so it's easy and fast to reconnect with each other when our schedules are busy or we have a little bit of hurt that we've held on to. We take deep breaths together and then remind each other why we love the other person - it makes a world of difference. I never go a night feeling far from Koa, and that was a HUGE fear I had.

2. The adventures amplify!

We are both in completely new environments, experiencing new things, and when you get to do that with your best friend and the person you love so much, it truly adds another layer of fun into your relationship. Koa and I have always found communication a strength in our relationship, so we found that the newness didn't usually add more stress to us, but gave us new opportunities for adventures and different ways to love each other. It has been so fun exploring and learning more about the other person as we get to grow and change together. I see new sides of Koa and understand his heart deeper as we have really intentional conversations about what we're going through and dreaming about, and that's really beautiful.

Long distance has also challenged us to become even more purposeful and intentional in our time in person together. We live fairly close, so we still usually see each other every week or every other week, but we have to make the most of it (because sometimes that week can feel like a long time!). We have the opportunity to try new things, be very present with each other, and have deep conversations, and that's a gift from the Lord. Koa and I have even more fun together being in long distance, and that was honestly the last thing I expected from this change!

3. When you are most connected to the Lord, you love better.

I knew this before we went long distance but it became even clearer after we moved apart. Unless I am in the Word, prayerful, and connected to the Father, I cannot love Koa the absolute best like he deserves. I simply can't. Our relationship is better, healthier, and happier when we are both individual pursuing the Lord and making Him the foundation of our lives. On days when our relationship feels a little more strained, it's usually because we need to lean back in with God and rely on Him more. I notice in myself that I'm less joyful, supportive, and gentle when I'm not abiding in the Lord, and that shift in attitude is even more obvious in long distance because you're communicating in different ways. It is so crucial that we are fully reliant in the Lord throughout all the seasons of our relationship, but especially this one. We wouldn't be able to do it without Him.

It's also really important that we are intentionally praying over each other. Prayer is magnificently powerful and it changes things - and if it's not changing circumstances, it's changing our heart. As partners, it's part of our responsibility and priviledge to take the weight, burdens, and joys of the other person to the foot of the cross and bring it to Jesus. It is one of my greatest honors to pray for Koa and with Koa, and the more we do that, I notice an even better, healthier, and joyful shift in the dynamic of our relationship.

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I am praising the Lord that long distance is even better than I expected and not at all as hard or draining as I thought it would be! He has covered us in so many ways, and I am so thankful for that. It was honestly really fun to look back and reflect on what He's already teaching us, and I have so much anticipation for what He will continue to do in our relationship!

I hope this post encouraged you in whatever stage of relationship you're currently in, AND stay tuned because next week, KOA is going to be talking about what he wished he knew before going long distance!