When Trusting God Doesn't Come Down to Having More Faith

This past semester, I walked through a season of intensely battling my flesh, which craves control and certainty, and my spirit, which deeply trusts and relies on God. There was a specific area of my life that was completely up in the air, and it felt as if all the doors I tried to walk through were slammed shut, and God redirected every single plan I tried to create. It was hard, and my anxiety and need for control didn't help anything.

As I was praying and wrestling with the Lord in the middle of this struggle, frustration continued to bubble up because I truly do trust God. I really do believe that God is capable of so much more than I can ask, think, or imagine, and I've seen Him provide and come through countless times for me before, even when it felt like it was too late. I know the verses, I know God's character, and I was so frustrated because I didn't know how to muster up any more faith. I felt completely torn between worry and trust.

So one night in the shower, I was pouring out my heart to the Lord and just honestly giving Him my blend of emotions, and like always, He is so gentle and kind with my heart. God is so patient, my friends, even when we are falling apart and spiraling. He so graciously reminded me that I need to take my eyes off of my circumstances and set my gaze on His face. My worry is fueled by focusing on the unknown, but my faith is fueled by focusing on the truth about God's character. I can't erase my fear or anxiety - the unknown is still very real - but I can choose whether or not I pour my attention into the fear or faith.

I have the choice to continue trying to control the situation, carefully crafting my plan and my backup plans. I can allow my thoughts to be consumed by the possibilities, trying to ensure that I have enough plans to cover all of them, and let that lack of control and fear steal my joy and peace. And, when my plans inevitably fail, I can choose to keep on trying, keep on relying on my own strength, my own knowledge, my own capacities. I can choose to succumb to this endless cycle.

But that's not my only choice. I can choose to surrender, to vulnerably tell the Lord about my frustrations and anxieties, even when it's more comfortable to shove it down and ignore it. I can renew my mind with Scripture, intentionally memorizing and recalling it when fear threatens to steal my peace. I can make space for the Holy Spirit to direct my decisions, direct the next right step. And instead of spiraling with the unknowns and lack of backup plans, I can give it to the Lord and let it go, giving myself permission not to figure it all out.

You see, neither choice requires me to "have more faith." Neither choice requires me to pretend that I'm not afraid, that the unknown isn't scary, or to shove down my emotions. But the choices do allow me to deny fear power over my life and to choose to lean into my faith instead of the anxiety. I get to fix my eyes on Jesus instead of my circumstances, and I think that's powerful. I can't snap my fingers and instantly remove the worry, but I can intentionally, purposefully, and strategically focus on the truth in Scripture and the character of God, feeding my faith and starving fear.

And that night, as I was giving God everything on my heart, I felt like that was what He was encouraging me with. I struggle enough with trying to fix everything, to maintain control, but God doesn't need me to fix it all. I don't think He wants me to strive to clean up my anxiety; I think He wants me to lean into His presence more than anything else. So, the next right step that the Lord challenged me with was to feed my faith and starve my fear. To focus on the truth, renew my mind with Scripture, and to cling to Him instead of my own plans (which, without fail, fall short).

If you're facing a situation that feels too big, too scary, too impossible for you to snap your fingers and get rid of the worry - you don't have to. You don't need to be okay or anxiety free. All that God asks of you is to take one step in front of the other, and moment by moment, choosing to set your thoughts on Scripture and His character instead of the situation. God isn't asking for you to have perfect faith; He wants you to prayerfully surrender so that you can experience His perfect peace. We can't completely remove fear or anxiety in our own strength, but we can intentionally deny fear its power in our life by feeding our faith instead through meditating on the truth.

Trusting God doesn't come down to having more faith, it comes down to where you choose to set your thoughts.

So, moving forward from that conversation with God in the shower, I was even more intentional about filling my mind with Scripture. I wrote verses on notecards and on my hand, memorizing them and recalling them throughout the day when worry popped up. And slowly, worry claimed less of my thoughts and less of my peace. I chose to remember all that God has already provided, already came through for, and my grip on my plans began to loosen. I didn't muster up more faith, I just leaned into the truth and refused to let fear choke out my trust in God.

It's not easy, but it's much simpler - and way less pressure - than trying to just "believe more."