I'm officially 5 days out from graduation, you guys. This cannot be real.

Crazily enough, it is. I've had some conversations with those close to me about how insane it is that we used to be the little girls admiring all the seniors, thinking about how mature they are and how they must have their lives together. It seems so cliche, but in a blink of an eye I became the senior the little girls are looking up to, and I can't believe it.

All this talk about graduating has me thinking about what I would tell my freshman self, and that's the inspiration for this post today. Although I don't feel like an adult, and I know that I have so much more still to learn, but I do feel like God has taught me so much in the past four years, and I'm super excited to be able to reflect on that today. And, maybe it will be able to encourage someone else too!

Let's jump right in!

1. God ALWAYS has it taken care of.

This is by far the biggest lesson I have learned throughout my high school years, and God continually reminds me of it (because for some reason, no matter how many times He proves it, I'm still prone to worrying). Every situation that I've ever feared, from new schedules to interacting with new people to first races and everything in between, God has always taken care of it. There has not been one moment where I wish God did more or listened to me or answered my prayers, because He always has. To be honest, many times those answered prayers happen quickly, and my schedule falls into place or an unknown situation isn't so bad after all. And for the bigger prayer requests, like physical or mental healing, even when I don't understand the timing, He always comes through for me.

There is not one challenge or fear too big or too small for my God to take care of.

If I would have believed this and walked in this since freshman year, I would have saved myself from spending so much time worrying over things God already had figured out. I would have had so much more peace and joy instead of trying to figure it all out on my own, working to understand things that were never meant to be understood. But I'm so thankful that even in the moments or seasons where I'm not as confident in His provision, God still never fails. His faithfulness is never dependent on me, and He is so good to me, despite how undeserving I am.

2. You don't have to be understood by everyone.

I imagine that most people are like this, but it doesn't feel good to me when people don't understand me or what I'm going through, and then make comments that are quite hurtful. I've wrestled a lot with trying to explain myself away to people to feel validated by them, when in reality, sometimes people just won't understand. Not everyone is going to get my anxiety, my choices, or the way I do relationships, and that's okay. The people who understand are the ones who really matter, and I don't have to spend my energy trying to convince anyone else that my feelings are valid. It is my responsibility to play my part in being a kind human being and friend, do my best to communicate, and past that, I can let it all go. I do not have to let anyone else dictate the way I feel, and when I began to actually practice that, so much freedom came.

In Galatians Paul talks about how we should be living to please God, not people. Those people pleasing mentalities can sneak up on you, but one way I've found it in myself is being consumed with making other people understand me. At the end of the day, if I'm right with God, that truly is the only thing that will continue to matter in eternity. God understands me and sees where I'm at, and that should hold way more value than what someone else thinks of me.

3. You are SO loved.

I have spent SO MUCH of my life believing that I'm a burden and that I'm too much. Up until quite recently, I closed myself off to enjoying so many relationships for the fear that they would reject me if they saw all of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. At the core of all of it, I struggled to believe that I was loved.

That is so far from the truth.

There is a God who thought I was worth leaving heaven and dying for. I have a family who believe I'm worth celebrating and supporting. I have a boyfriend who sees me as a princess, and chooses every day to treat me so intentionally. I have friends who listen to me and pray for me, over the good things and the heavy things. I am so loved, and I wish I would have allowed myself to see that and believe it. I am loved without proving it and without being perfect. There are people out there who won't reject me or give up on me, and being hurt doesn't have to stop me from believing that.

4. Your anxiety and mental health struggles are not your fault, do not define you, and do not indicate that God is mad at you.

I have struggled with mental health for half, if not more, of my high school career, and those were such dark seasons in my life. I carried the weight of my anxiety and depression as my fault, convinced that God was mad at me or left me. If only I had been a better, stronger Christian, then maybe I wouldn't have gone through that. It consumed me, and I felt like I lost the best parts of myself.

I handled it the absolute best I could, but if I could've gone back and told my freshman self something, I would have reassured her that the darkness is not all that she is, it's not her identity. I would have given her a big hug and reminded her that God loves her more than anything, that nothing could possibly take her out of her Father's favor. She didn't deserve it, and it doesn't have to defeat her. I so badly wish I could have spoken the truth over my freshman self when she needed it the most, because I know how dark and heavy those seasons were, but there was always light at the end of the tunnel.

This post was so refreshing to me to write and so encouraging to reflect on how much the Lord has taught and revealed to me. My high school years were full of highs and lows, ups and downs, but I'm so thankful for the Father's faithfulness and kindness to me. He has never let me down, despite all the times that I doubted and tried to go my own way. And I pray that when I look back on what it was like to be in high school, the goodness of God through all seasons comes to mind first and foremost.